Tonight, we continue to track the Sasquatch. At one time, simply the stuff of traveller's tales, Big Foot (or the Yeti as this mysterious hairy figure is known in colder climes) was a shadowy apparition glimpsed between the trees of dense, mighty forests - a furry flutter caught by the corner of an eye. A figure so in communion with his leafy surroundings that legends grew about his existence while scorn was heaped on those who swore they had seen the Missing Link with their own eyes. But now, possibly due to global warming, the Sasquatch has left his natural habitat and is wandering the streets of New York City. Still, his existence remains a tantalising puzzle, due to the fact that there are no cameras in this great metropolis, but the sightings continue of a figure now known to many by a new urban name, Jake Gyllenhaal.
Last night, Jake Gyllenhaal was observed in Franny's in Brooklyn, where he could no doubt supplement his normal diet of Raccoon and elderberry stew with a lovely piece of marinaded swordfish. The observer tells us: 'Jake gyllenhaal is at franny's tonight!! With a big beard and he smiled at ms honeslty he d not that good looking...' Actually, I must have copied that wrong because I think that says she didn't find him good looking.
Today, Jake was seen by someone else who tells us: 'Jake Gyllenhaal was just at my job. Son had the mean "grizzly adams" beard. Ha!' But, my fellow Sasquatch hunters, there is a hint of good news. This observer tells us Jake was at his job and judging by his Facebook page it appears that that is a beauty product shop!
The problem may be more serious than we thought (even discounting the fact that the 'big and red beard' may be a sign that Jake is about to star in a musical reworking of the life of Henry VIII and his Six Wives). A further report from Le Grand Yummy at the weekend indicates that Jake Gyllenhaal did not queue: 'The Pickle Salad New Yorkese by the chefs from NYC's Torrisi wasn't even feasible unless we wanted to lose life years in line. It should be noted that Jake Gyllenhaal did NOT have to wait in the lines. He, his scruffy beard and Northface backpack went straight up to chefs Mario Carbone and Rich Torrisi and got his bite.'
While it is possible that the Sasquatch has not grown up understanding the etiquette of The Queue, as an English gal who most certainly did and doesn't count a day well spent unless it has at least one queue plus a queue argument in it, this is bad news. One can only trust that with The Shaving, Jake will resume old habits and wait in line like the rest of us in order to get his pickles.
Great news about the NorthFace bag though - points for that. Have a lollipop.
Includes pictures by IHJ and Sasquatch spotters.